such sweet sorrow

We had to let go of our girl this weekend when she moved her into her college dorm...

              
              


                    
                   

                   
                   
                   

                    Dad watches her walk away as I call out one last, "We love you!"

                    I was rewarded with a final  look back and wave:                 
                   

                    Wait!Wasn't she just 1, 5, 10, a minute ago, looking at me just like that?

                     I was there for all of it, but somehow it feels as if I missed much of it.

                     Motherhood. Love. Life. No country for the weak of heart.

          
                   

                       She's wiping her tears here, but kept going...
                  

                     ...and just like that, my first born had flown from the nest.

                     It was as it should be. Life kept going with no matter given to how

                     hard my heart was pounding or how it felt like it was breaking.

                     I know it is the way of life: transitions, growth, letting go, but...

It was a long ride home for the (now) three Garrisons that live there, and a long week as well.  All reports from our Ali girl have been very positive. They are keeping the freshmen very very busy with fun activities. A meltdown might be imminent, as it is a big change and she's getting exhausted. I forewarned her and told her if it does occur, to go straight to sleep; I'm sure it will be badly needed. Now if only her brother's transition to her absence could be solved the same way, Skyping has helped. The process of letting her go reinforced how much we all love her, and she us, in return.  And I'm grateful that no one is afraid to express it. I learned how strong she is; to be wiping away the tears and forcing herself to put a smile on her face and keep walking forward to her bright, shiny future.  She's a brave girl, and I love her and miss her in the nest, but I know it's her time. It just came faster than I ever dreamt it could.

 

But wait, there's more.....

As a reward for those of you who patiently indulged me this long, non creating-related post:

I found this hi-lar-i-ous photo when looking for the old ones above. In it I'm 2 weeks over due with my now 12 year old son. Wahhhaaahahahahahhahahahhahahahahahahha. That looks painful, doesn't it? Can you see the stranger waiting behind my husband's back? (click on it, it gets bigger) I'd love to know what she was thinking, probably wondering what in the world I was doing miniature golfing in that condition. I can't say I blame her!

Comments

[Dianne]

It is hard to let go... but remember...

Forever grounded
they will be
until we give them wings
and set them free...
DDD2011

[paige]

my first born went away last month. while it's a good thing...it's been one of the most painful things for me. no lie.

wishing her all the best
&
mama too
xo

[Andra]

OMG...I wanted to cry, looking at brother and sister!! It's sweet they love each other so much. This is my son's senior yr and already I am worried about letting him go.
Hugs your way, Andra

[Danee Kaplan]

As my soon-to-be 13 year old started 7th grade and I realized that her brother is the same age she was when he was born- my heart broke. I know how fast it goes and I can't believe I am heading into her high school years already. Seems like only yesterday I was anxiously waiting to start a family and *poof* she's a teenager and Chase just started kindergarten. I'm proud of you for having the resolve to let her go. I hear parents all the time talk their kids into staying home a year or two or insisting the child be home every weekend. Letting go, as you say, is part of life.

[judy wise]

You made me cry and then you made me laugh. What a wonderful post this was.

[Suzan]

I immediately started weeping about my kids partings. Both are nearly 3,000 miles away now and this summer was the worst because my youngest has her first apt and won't be home for summers or breaks anymore...I am truly a totally empty nest.
It becomes bearable but never easy and thank the heavens for Skype..
xx
z

[Cynthia]

Oh gosh, I'm tearing up looking at your pictures. It is like looking into a crystal ball and seeing my family in 12 years *eeeeek*!

A year after I left for college, I was told by a family friend how much my Mom cried for a long time and that it was certainly a time of growth for her as much as it was for me.

I hope you enjoy this time of being a family of 3 and just think, Thanksgiving and Christmas is just around the corner and soon she'll be back with you (at least for a while :)

All the best for you!

[holly abston]

This post made me sob. Beautifully written and the photographs were beautiful. Your son is breaking my heart. Wishing your daughter and all of you well in your new adventures.

[Julie]

I burst into tears as the brother sister photos progressed. Both touching and heartwarming they're affection for one another. :) Good job, Mama.

[Kasha]

The last photo and the face of the stranger are priceless.

[Kathy C.]

Those are the most touching pictures ever. Thanks for sharing such a tender moment. What a special bond between a brother and a sister.

[Sandy]

This made me cry. My son will graduate next May and I will go through this next fall. I've been trying to prepare myself for awhile but as it gets closer I'm finding it harder and harder to let go. I know it's another step in life we have to take but as my only child it's going to be so hard. I'm so happy you shared.

[donnalee]

you & hubby have done right by your daughter...here's the evidence! blest be :)

[Martha Richardson]

OK...crying here!

[Lisa]

very sweet post...I actually had tears when I saw your son and daughter hugging and crying. A little reminder how time flies as my first born hit high school this month...I sense the time is going way too fast.

[lindaharre]

I remember how sad that was:(:(:( I mourned for several months until the other kids thought I was nuts! My hubby was so sweet....we would drive up (from St. Louis to Columbia, Mo. about a 2 hr. drive) for every event we could think of....including "skit night at the local bars"...LOL! We would head up as soon as I got out of school (teaching) and drive back after the event was over! It was also such a thrill every time he would come home:D I hope you are feeling better....and remember it isn't long until Thanksgiving:D

[Melony Bradley]

This is a very emotional and touching post. Thanks for being brave enough to share something so personal and touching. I am moving out of state tomorrow and I have had many moments like this lately. I wish I could be composed enough to photograph them, let alone show enough vulnerability to post about it.

www.mel-designs.typepad.com

[Robin Thomas]

Hoop. Tears.

My Allie is a high school senior...

[Jenny Lee Wentworth]

I'm crying now too...my baby girl is a senior this year and I know the time will flash by in a blur. I'm trying hard to let her know it's ok to fly away even though I want to hold on tight.
Beautiful post, thanks for sharing. :)
Jenny

[Kim Caldwell]

PAM! I HAVE TO USE ALL CAPS BECAUSE I CAN'T SEE THE SMALL LETTERS THROUGH ALL THE TEARS DRIPPING DOWN MY FACE! YOUR SON'S FACE! Ugh. Sooo bittersweet. OK, better now. . . Just the anticipation of being where you are now in two more years makes a Mommy remember to savor every moment! Thinking of you and your sweet, sweet family. . .

xo

[jackie]

Oh my goodness I remember those good bye days! Crying until you think you won't have any more tears. Time takes care of it though!

[Ciara]

Oh what a lovely post. I still have a few years to go for this, but you are right, it flies by in a blink.

I've just found your blog and love it! I'll definitely be back. :-)

Ciara x

[nicky]

I am sobbing. Thank you so much for that beautiful documentation of such a personal moment. It will happen to me next year when my son goes off to college, and it makes me ache already.

[Nancy Lefko]

I sent my first off to college last year and next year I send my second. I know the heart wrenching ache of which you speak. And I know it will be hard on my youngest to be the only one left at home. Yes, it was just yesterday they were hanging their backpacks on the hook in first grade and I walked away with tears in my eyes then also. It goes much too fast. Hang in there.

[Julie Loeschke]

Thank you for the laughter and the tear.:)

[tricia]

aww, such love on all these beautiful faces. i see my future in this post and it helps me remember to hold on and slow down.

[Teah]

Thanks for sharing Pam. The love between your daughter and her brother is priceless. It's so obvious there is a great bond of love there that no amount of time can erode or money can buy. Your husband and you have clearly done a wonderful job raising them with the true value of family. You are all the more blessed for that.

[Jeanette B]

The look on your kiddos faces is precious. Our youngest moved to Atlanta, Ga in April. He attended college here where we live, so my separation anxiety was put off for four years, although I don't believe it made it any easier. Your post brought all the pain and tears back for me. Bless your heart, it's such a difficult thing to set our youngsters free and let them walk away, but we already understand, it's the way things are meant to be. I enjoyed your post and the wonderful photos so much!

[Barbara]

Just went thru this a month ago with our daughter here in FL. It is getting easier. Between phone calls and texting (and a quick weekend visit home a week ago), she is doing great (and so are we). Wishing you all the best!

[Chelsy]

I'm crying. My oldest is 7, and she's growing up way too fast, I know I will be going through this in what will feel like a year or two. And I can't stop it. Good luck to her and to you!

I was the youngest and watched my 7 older siblings leave the nest- abandoning me- eventually alone with my parents! How could they? It's tough, tell the little guy to hang in there.

[garden clippings]

i TOTALLY get this!!!

[Orly]

I don't even know you or your daughter, and you made me sob...what a moving beautiful visual narrative..

[Jenny Doh]

Those shots of the two ... oh man ... they triggered memories of tears I shed when my big brother left for college. Such a milestone for the family. There's nothing more gratifying than seeing our babies care for one another.

[Tina]

ACK, it is such a hard thing to see one leave the nest. Never much help to hear that if they leave and are wonderful people you have done your job. Sometimes you just want your job back! I send hugs----- it's gonna' be great in the end!!!

[Heidi Woodruff]

All that you've done for her, with her and to her....she'll remember and thank you for as she flies on her own. You are a great mother! ~Heidi

[Michelle K.]

Okay...I'm crying. This was just the sweetest, and hardest, thing I've read in a long time. I have two little ones and I am already thinking that time is just whizzing by. My oldest is in preschool and will start kindergarten next year. I know she is ready, but my heart already aches. Thinking of you and sending happy vibes your way-

[Jennifer Stewart]

Pam, I'm sitting here bawling as I catch up on reading blog posts. My son is only 11 but I know this day will be here before I know it. What a beautifully written blog entry. Thank you for sharing this day with us.

Love,
Jennifer

[Brocantess]

The first one leaving the nest is so hard....adjusting to the change will take time. Congratulations on her big step!

[Kim]

OMG - THAT post made me cry! Makes me want to sabotage my kids' report cards so I can keep them home FOREVER! :) xo

[Sunny]

I am sitting here crying over your post. The picture that did it was the one of your daughter and son hugging and you can see the emotion in his eyes. Next year I have to face this event. My 2 youngest daughters are only 21 months apart and each other's best friend. It's going to be so hard on both of them when the older goes to college. It's both heart-wrenching and heart-filling to watch them unfurl their wings and fly into a new life. Thanks for your post.

[christine adolph]

This post touched my heart, I have a sweet girl that just began High School and that has been hard enough, can't even imagine college. You are super talented and i think your work is so on target for the licensing market.
Best,
Christine Adolph

[jill]

I have sent two off to college and it's so very, very hard. I was blessed that they were only 1.5 hours away too. If it was further...
I'll say a prayer for all of you.